This fan fic piece comes from the wonderful Das Mervin, the ultimate expert on everything that is wrong with the abomination that is Twilight. She’s famous for her sporkings of the series, but sporking is not all she does. She also writes what are called “spite fics,” fan fiction that portrays the characters for who they really are regardless of what the author wants us to think. This particular piece deals with the issue of Bella wanting to become a vampire. Meyer wants us to believe Bella desires vampirism because Edward is the love of her life and it’s the only way for them to be together forever. However, anyone with a brain cell or two knows all she wants is power, eternal youth, and easy living. The fic takes place at the end of the first book where Bella is in the hospital after being pulverized by James, and trying to convince Edward to turn her. Note: Edward is very out of character in this fic. As in, he truly is in love with Bella and values her humanity.
Life changing lesson: if someone wants something to the point where they are willing to use and abuse in order to get it, the most fitting punishment for such people is to give them exactly what they ask for.
Edward leaned back, staring at me with an expression I couldn’t read and had never seen him give me. I fidgeted as he gazed evenly at me, determined not to give in just because he was trying to stare me down.
“You and Alice must have had quite a talk,” he said quietly.
I swallowed—so he’d guessed. Well, no point in hiding it now. “Yes,” I answered curtly and as firmly as I could manage. “We talked quite a bit about all of this. And I know she agrees with me. She wants you to change me, doesn’t she?”
“Yes,” Edward answered in that same, soft tone.
I was somewhat disturbed that he was showing no signs of a temper now, but quickly shook that off—perhaps it was a hopeful sign. “So far you’re overruled,” I pointed out.
Edward’s mouth tightened, and then he rose so fast it startled me, pacing to the other side of the room and crossing his arms. “You don’t even know Alice’s motivations for wanting to turn you. If you think she wants to do it because she loves you, you’re wrong,” he suddenly bit out.
I blinked. “But,” I began to protest, “you said—she stayed with me—”
“I suppose I should have clarified,” he interrupted. “You are wrong if you think she wants to change you because she loves you as a friend. She doesn’t,” he snarled. “She wants you turned because she hates it when her visions don’t work out properly. She just wants you turned because she wants her way.”
I managed to keep myself under control. “I don’t care,” I replied. “What she wants and what I want are the same, even if it’s for different reasons.”
“Yes,” Edward said, turning away from me and staring at the wall. “All of your reasons. They were very…informative.”
“I was hoping they’d be compelling,” I said, raising my voice a little.
“Oh, they were that, too,” he muttered, and my heart leapt with hope a little. “More compelling than you know.” He finally turned, his hands gripping his elbows tightly. “You want to be turned because you love me, is that it?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately. “I need you more than anything—without you, I’m—I’m nothing. I can’t live without you. I love you more than life itself—more than humanity itself.”
I did not miss how his glare grew blacker with every word I said, and by the time I was finished, I was almost whispering, confused and intimidated.
“Do you want to know what I think?” He took a step towards me, unfolding his arms. “I don’t think you love me.”
My jaw dropped and my heart thudded painfully in my chest against my healing ribs. “What?!” My voice cracked and didn’t quite manage the shriek I’d been hoping for.
“You need me. You want me. I’m worth more to you than humanity, you can’t live without me,” he sneered. “Willing to sacrifice all just for me, willing to throw away everything you have just so you can be with me forever.” His voice was becoming anguished through the anger, and his eyes burned into mine. “You only need and want me because I’m your ticket to immortality and power.”
I struggled against the pain, both physical and mental. “That—that’s not true!” I rasped, wishing I could get up and beat against his chest to try and drive the point home.
“Yes, it is,” he growled. “The first words out of your mouth when you started begging me for this was that you wanted to be Superman. Not that you wanted me—that you wanted power.”
All of my excuses and insistence to the contrary dried up. But his voice certainly did not.
“I can see it all now,” he said, his words tumbling out rapidly now. “I can see it so clearly.” He knotted a hand in his hair. “All the times you made sure we were alone. All the times you made iteasy for me to give in and bite you, knowing that I love you enough to stop. All the times you asked me about vampirism, and how I became what I was, how all of us became what we were…” He stared up at me, furious and hurt. “You’ve been planning this all along.”
I tried to force my mouth to work, but his glare was rendering me completely mute.
“You knew I loved you,” he whispered, agonized. “You knew—you used me. Everything has been a lie. All of it. Telling me how much you hate this place, all the times you acted so helpless, all the ways you kept me secret from your parents—making it easier for you to get what you want. To be changed.”
“Edward,” I managed, licking my cracked lips. “Edward—please, you’re wrong—” I begged.
“Am I?” he said sharply. “It’s always how you need me, always how you want me, always how you can’t live without me—never how you love me. You wanted eternity. You want immortality. You don’t want me. You want what I have. You want what I can give you.”
“No!” I cried, everything crashing around me. But he didn’t seem to hear me.
“Why didn’t I see it?!” he hissed to himself, not looking at me anymore. “Was I so desperate for companionship—for love, that I completely ignored all of the signs? Was I so delusional that I convinced myself that you were different, that you loved me for who I was, not for what I was?”
“But I do!” I spat. “I do love you for who you are! I—”
His eyes pinned me. “What are my hobbies?” he suddenly asked flatly. “What is my favorite color? What books do I read? What is my opinion on religion? Where do I stand on the afterlife?”
Again, I was struck dumb—because I had no answer.
His eyes shone, triumphant and suffering. “You don’t know. Because you don’t know me. If you truly knew me—truly knew how I feel about this, truly knew and cared about me—you wouldnever have asked me to change you.” His eyes closed. “But you don’t know. Because you’ve never even bothered to ask,” he whispered, sounding almost defeated.
“I—I never got the chance!” I babbled. “We’ve only been together for a short time, and—”
“It was time enough for you to decide you wanted to be a vampire,” he cut across me dully. “Time enough for you to invent all kinds of lies about how your parents will be fine without you and not miss you and would respect your decision even though I know for a fact that it would be the last thing they would ever want for you—disappearing without a trace, forced to live a half-life, forced to watch them wither and die even as you are frozen in an unnatural state, unable to move on. Time enough for you to decide that you were through with your humanity and wanted nothing more to do with it in favor of good looks and strength. Time enough for you to decide that you were more than willing to go through with the Devil’s bargain—trading your humanity and your soul in for material gain.”
We stared at each other for a long while, and I tried to cope with all of his accusations, tried to cope with that horribly dead look in his eyes. I hadn’t even begun to manage before he spoke again.
“But now that I have truly seen your mind—finally realized that you were not unreadable, I was just blind—I can see clearly that this is what you want,” he said, his voice growing hard. “So, in a few months, if you still want this, I will give it to you.”
I blinked, almost unable to comprehend the sudden shift in the subject. “You—what?”
“I’m going to have Carlisle change you when you are fully healed, if you are still interested,” he continued.
I could hardly believe it. “You will?” I whispered, my bleak voice now laced with hope.
“Yes. Just as you wish.” His face twisted. “I refuse to do it, but I know that the family wouldn’t care what I wanted—I suppose that’s why Alice is so sure that future is certain, because they all want nothing more than to change you because for some reason they think it will make me happy. So you will have the change done. I’ll stop trying to change the future.”
I exhaled in relief, trying not to be too happy, as even that hurt. “You understand,” I said breathlessly. “We’ll be together.”
I furrowed my brow, confused. “Of course,” I said. “I’ll be part of the family, like I should be, and we’ll have eternity together—”
“I said I’d give you what you want.” His voice lanced through mine, once again cutting me short. “You want vampirism. So you’re going to get it.”
“I don’t understand,” I mumbled, even though that was a lie—I understood him perfectly.
He seemed to know it, but his lip curled and he continued anyway. “Carlisle will change you. The family will teach you our ways, about our world and what you’ll need to know to survive. We’ll keep you on for a year, mostly to keep you away from people, because that’s what we have to do. We can’t just turn you loose on an unsuspecting public.” He snorted at my blank expression. “No, I don’t suppose you would understand that, would you? Even though you were so sure you knew what you were getting into. Maybe you’ll take your months of recuperating to actually askthe rest of us about our world. There’s more to it than you apparently thought there was.” His face slipped back into the cool, business-like expression. “You’ll be trained and taught. And then you will be gone. You are not going to be a part of this family.”
“But—but that’s what I wanted!” I spluttered. “I wanted to be with you! With all of you, but with you most of all!”
“No,” Edward snippily replied. “You want to be a vampire. In case you didn’t notice, myself and my family spend our unnatural lives trying to be human. We live amongst humans, we imitate humans, we help humans.” His eyes were as cold and hard as the gemstones they resembled. “You don’t want to be human. You want to be a vampire. So you’ll be a vampire. You can go live like James and Laurent and Victoria—like a true vampire. Like an animal.”
I was shaking my head despite the agony that caused. “No,” I wheezed. “No, I wanted to be with you. I want to be a vampire with you.”
My words only seemed to make him angrier. “You wanted the life we have, Bella,” he said harshly. “That’s all. Our eternal youth, our endless money, our fancy clothes, our fast cars—that’s all you wanted. And you tried to use me to get it. No, Bella—you’re not going to get that from me. You are going to get exactly what you asked for.”
He suddenly turned and strode towards the door, his back stiff and his fingers flexing. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, turning back to look at me with a strained smile on his face.
“How ironic, Bella,” he laughed humorlessly. “I’ve finally found the strength to stay away from you.”
And then he was gone. The door clicked shut, leaving me alone with the beeps and hisses of the machines and tubes that were hooked up to my broken and battered body.